Life is like a to-go order of Kung Pao Chicken

So yeah, it's been a while since I've posted. That's partly because I don't really think anyone reads this thing anymore (and after this extremely self-indulgent post, you probably won't), but also because life is just so full and overflowing with... stuff. I don't really know what else to call it. Craziness? Challenges? Opportunities? Blessings? Bid-ness? Spam? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying life sucks. In fact, there is an incredible amount of things that are going extremely well right now. And I think that's why it's hard to describe it. If it were all bad I could simply declare my life "full of trials/difficulties/crap." If it were all wonderful I could excitedly describe it as "full of joy/peace/peaches & cream." Instead I'm left feeling just "full of it."

Life right now simply seems intent on delivering both the sweet and the sour in one large mystery bag of surprises that requires great effort and discomfort to get open. Essentially, you could say my life is filled with a large, to-go order of Kung Pao Chicken, and I have to use chopsticks not only to eat it, but to open the bag.

Now I'm sure you're probably thinking, "well, yeah Mark. That's kinda how life is; sometimes it's up and sometimes it's down." Yes, I know that, but what is it when it's both at the same time? Is it just flat? Is it a high-frequency radio wave, ever-undulating? Does it really matter that I fix upon the perfect metaphor right now?

No, it doesn't. Let's move on...

Anyway, so my life is a bag of mixed nuts right now (I think I'll go with that one). There are many challenges to face and significant choices to make. I know it's extremely cliche to say this, but I really feel like I'm at a crossroads. The current that I've ridden through most my life (oooh, this is a good metaphor, I like this one) has washed me up on a sandbar and I feel like for the first time I'm being forced to stand up and walk. That's not to say I've been washed up on a desert island, in fact I feel like there's a whole world of opportunity out there just beyond the shoreline, it's just that I'm now finding it hard to get out of my inner tube (okay, now I'm really loving this metaphor).

For most of my life things have just kind of landed in my lap. I didn't really have to do much. But easy-riding just won't cut it at this stage in life and in the current state that this world finds itself. I think I've been content to just take life as it comes because most of what the tide has brought in has been relatively good. My choice of profession came to me pretty easily and I turned out to have a natural ability for it. I got a great job right out of college. I've had the chance to travel and live all over the world. I've met and befriended a lot of incredible people. But again, none of it has required much of myself. Which is why I find myself so uncomfortable now.

This discomfort is both externally and internally created. Externally, I got laid off. that combined with watching as my industry essentially collapses in on itself, has forced me to face the harsh reality that I will have to go WAY out of my comfort zone to get another job as a landscape architect or that I may have to set off in another direction in search of a job doing something I've never wanted to do. Either of these options does not fit in well with my "ride the current" approach to life and considering both has forced me into this uncomfortable position.

Internally, the discomfort stems from the fact that I'm just not satisfied with this life anymore. I'm not satisfied with the whole single thing anymore. If life is truly about building and sustaining eternal relationships than i am severely handicapping myself. In a way, I haven't even started living yet. I'm just kinda in this transitional phase. I'm in the waiting room, and by now I've read all the magazines. I'm ready to see the doctor! (and get checked under the hood, if you know what I mean...).

So, the challenges are part of the sour, but they're also part of the sweet. As I've drawn closer to God and the church over the last several months (another BIG part of the sweet), I've increasingly understood and reaffirmed that He is actively concerned about His children and that he is daily working within our lives. Knowing that, these challenges start looking more and more like opportunities; opportunities to grow beyond myself; opportunities to become more like the Mark that He wants me to be. These seemingly insurmountable challenges don't mean that I've run into a wall in my life, rather it's just a giant step and God is asking me to STEP UP! And frankly, it's kinda flattering to think that God thinks I'm up to the task.

Anyway, I digress and I applaud any and all that are still reading for making it this far in what has essentially been one long stream of mental vomit. I guess, in trying to make this a little less indulgent, the important thing here is that we are all going through tough times. If the economy hasn't already taken your job or the job of a loved one then it is surely weighing upon your hearts and minds. There seems to be a great pall cast over the country. Everyone seems a little more grim, a little more worried. If there is anything to be gained from these tough times it's knowing that this is when we truly discover what we're made of. As my boss said repeatedly to our staff (and is probably still saying it), it's times like this that make us more creative people and force to become really good at what we do. These challenges all carry within them opportunities and we can all be flattered that God thinks us up to the task.