Lessons Learnt: Christ in Their Midst

Last week I went home. I hadn't plan to, but I needed to. For several weeks leading up to my sudden departure from Denver I had been having a really hard time. It seemed like several elements had conspired to converge on me all at once, and I was finding it hard to move. To do anything really. It felt like I'd been waging one long war after another and ultimately, I just felt defeated. I'm 28. I've lost two jobs to the economy in the last year. I can't seem to get another one. I've been summarily rejected by the last three women I've tried to get close to. And I'd just found out my ex (THE ex) was getting married. In every meaningful endeavor in my life, I seemed to be falling short.

Time for a vacation.

Throughout all the time that this was going on I had been reading the latter half of the Book of Alma in the Book of Mormon. Most of you will know that this is primarily made up of several accounts of various battles and wars. I'd always liked those chapters as I found the military strategy fun and interesting to read about. However, that was always the spirit in which I read that section: as a good story, not as spiritual enlightenment. And that's how I read it this time. It wasn't until after I'd finished Alma and moved on to Helaman that I found personal meaning in those passages.

As I thought back on the plight of the Nephites, my heart just went out to them. Here they are, a good people. They just want to live in peace and "do their thing." They aren't perfect. But do their best to do what is right and be the kind of people they are expected to be. And yet, they don't get to live in peace. They are constantly under attack by these outside forces determined to occupy them, bring them down. Sometimes they are strong and fight back and win! Other times they are weak, too proud maybe, and they are defeated. But they always rally their ranks and charge back into the fray. By the end of Alma, they've driven the Lamanites out of the land and have regained all that was previously lost. It would be nice if the story ended there, but it doesn't. Within the first few chapters of Helaman, we see that once again they've become weak and the Lamanites are once again invading their lands. The cycle never ends for the Nephites. This is basically the story of the entire Book of Mormon.

Now, thinking back on this, what I came to realize is that this isn't only the story of a civilization, this is the story of the individual. We are all constantly at war. There are always outside forces standing at the ready to invade and drive us into sin, or despair, or apathy, or complacency. This is the human condition: constantly trying to keep the demons of our nature at bay. But the wonderful message of the Book of Mormon is that there is help available to us.

Going back to the Nephite's cycle of war; as I said before, we see this cycle occurring throughout the book. However, there is one period of time in which this cycle is broken. When the wars end and peace and love reign in the hearts of the people. That time is when Christ comes into their midst.

While I was at home I talked at length with my family about my frustrations and disappointments. Being with them helped me to remove myself enough from the mental rut I'd gotten into and I was able to formulate some plans and actions I could take that would help me continue to at least TRY to push back against these weighty trials that have been thrown in my path. However, as I readied myself to return to Denver, to my life, I couldn't help but feel sad and scared to go back into the fray. I expressed some of this to my parents as I was preparing to go. In response, my father said that whatever I do, I need to remember to make the Lord part of the equation. I need to invite him into my daily life and seek for his will and direction while making decisions about what I will do each day. Basically, I need to invite Christ to be in my midst.

This struck me as I can easily look back and see that the times in my life when I have been happiest and felt the most peace were those times when I honestly and earnestly was seeking for the Lord's guidance each and every day. When I was truly living in search of His will. It's such a simple concept, yet one that is so easily pushed aside and forgotten when our own wants and needs loudly demand our undivided attention.

So here I am, back in Denver, back in the battle. From the outside, it's just as grim and bleak looking as before. Just as dark. But, as I look to Christ for guidance, as I invite him in my midst, I find that I am filled and there is no longer room for the darkness.