Merry Christmas from the Pulsiphers!

For the last three years I've sent out Christmas cards detailing the experiences of my fake family. It started out as just a mockery of the old cards that my parent's families sent out in the 50's as well as the sometimes unintentionally revealing letters that my parents receive each year. From that first card, it's kind of taken on a life of it's own, with each successive card representing a new decade and delving deeper into my fake family's dysfunctions.

So, for your viewing and reading enjoyment I now present to you, in successive order, the saga of the Pulsipher Family. Enjoy!

2007

The Big Move!

This was a big year for the Pulsipher clan. Marcus’ acceptance of a new job in Denver meant that the family necessarily had to pull up its roots in Utah, cancel our membership at the raquet club, and move to the frigid plains of central Colorado. But we‘re happy to do it for our wonderful husband and father. Despite a flat tire, a misplaced gas cap, and episode involving Little Billy losing his pet rock again, the family made it out safe and has adjusted to our new environs quite well.

Marcus is fitting into his new job (as well as his new cowboy boots) very well. he enjoys the challenges he faces daily and has hopes of being made a partner any day now. He’s such a hard worker! The job is very demanding, and it has been hard on him to consistently sacrifice time with the children in order to work late at the office or to continue to build up those all-important “business connections.” He insists it will all pay off in the long run, however. We sure hope so. We’re oh-so proud of him!

Edith has started a new book club in the neighborhood and has already enticed five new

members away from the old one (mostly due to her fabulous snickerdoodles). In her short time here she’s already become quite the busy-body and is happily helping her new neighbors in

whatever way she can, whether it be best yard care practices or home decorating tips!

Marjorie has made lots of new friends. ing her at school. She constantly entertains us with stories of all the boys that are chasing her at school. Right now she is preparing to compete in the Little Miss Coors pageant which will be held this March. She’s just so popular! Isn’t she a darling?

Little Billy has made some progress in his social skills and we think he may have actually made a friend at school! It’s hard to tell, he’s still doesn’t talk much. His bed-wetting seems to have subsided though. We think this year might be the one in which we say goodbye to those pesky “little boy pants” once and for all! Fingers crossed!

We want to wish you all the best in this holiday season and in the upcoming year.

Happy Holidays!

The Pulsiphers

2008

Beloved Friends and Family (both near and far out),

A lot has happened this year. “The Man” crashed our economic system, and took my job wth it. When I told Edith she totally flipped her lid, man. She said she was just starting to like Denver and wouldn’t be able to show her face at bridge club anymore. The next day when I came home from the unemployment office, she was gone. She took Little Billy and Marjorie to live with her parents who are “good, decent, hard-working folk.”

But it’s cool with me. Peace be the footsteps she trods threw the sand. I’ve got a new family now. I first met them in Civic Center Park. They’ve taught me how to expand my mind and highten my understanding. We’ve travelled all over and finally come to rest in the lushous hills of Oregon. Life is good in the commune. We experiment with song and dance trying to reach the upper eshalons of our understanding and harmonyize with Mother Earth. We call ourselves “The Blue Moose Troup.”

Rainbow Brite (me) - I’ve become something of a leader of my new family. I don’t know why but I just have this spiritual vibe thing going right now. I look at the trees and see God. I look at the dirt and see our Mother. I’ve written a lot of freaky poetry and songs about it which the others think are pretty groovy. Every day I lead them in a ceremony of song, dance, and mutual back-rubbing. It’s a good life and I am happy.

Dew Drop - Dewey has been my partner for the last month. She’s pretty far out and makes great veggie masala. She joined the family in Toledo after her parents tried to force her to go to a boarding school. We liberated her, both body and mind. She teaches us basket-weaving and sandal-making.

Moonshine - He’s my right hand man and was one of the founding Blue Moosemen. Last month he ate some bad berries though. He was unconscious for four days and saw a lot of tripped-out things. His color is starting to return now. Which is good, because he gives great back rubs.

Turdblossom - He’s new to the family and frankly, I think he’s a little wierd.

Well, I wish all of you peace, fruitfulness, and harmony with each other and with all of Mother Earth’s creations during this season. Be good to each other and in so doing such things, you will find joy and much joyfulness.

Namaste,

Rainbow Brite

2009

Friends and Family,

Seasons greetings to you and yours. This year was one of great joy and heightened awareness of our role and responsibility in this wonderful world of ours. The biggest news is that Mark and I are back together. When last you heard from us, Mark was living in a commune in the hills of Oregon and I had left him to live with my parents. We each followed our own paths until we eventually reconnected on a boat off the coast of California. Mark, as an ardent member of Greenpeace, was there courageously (and quite stupidly) thrusting himself between the harpoons of commercial whalers and their innocent quarry. Coincidentally, I had been sent there by the San Francisco Chronicle to document their efforts as well as the emerging roles of women within Greenpeace. It was there that we rekindled our love and reunited. Oh, and the children are still with us too.

Mark: Last year, Mark’s commune was broken up, after his followers realized his music and philosophy wasn’t transcendent, and was in fact, just bad. Following his heart (certainly not his drug-addled brain), and fearing he might get drafted, he fled to Vancouver. It was there that he met some friends that helped him understand that his problems, and the world’s problems, came about from the culture of greed that runs rampant in corporate America. He didn’t grasp much of what they said, but he at least understood that greed was killing this world, and it must be stopped. And thus Mark became a founding member of Greenpeace.

Edith: Leaving Mark was really hard, but it was also the greatest thing I ever did, for it was by leaving that I finally arrived at who I truly am: I am woman, hear me roar. This new found strength and identity came after enrolling in some Women’s Studies classes at the community college. It was there that I also discovered my life’s passion: Photojournalism. After one semester (I couldn’t be held back any longer) I set out to expose the injustices of this world, documenting the gritty underbelly of society. (I also composed the family portrait seen on the front).

Marjorie: Marjorie seems to be doing well. Honestly, we don’t see much of her as she spends most of her time with her friends. She must be very popular because we often don’t see her for several days at a time.

William: Billy, on the other hand, is our quiet child. He spends most of his time at home and hardly ever speaks. Once we completely forgot he was there and left him alone for four days while we protested the G-7 summit! We should probably try to get him to talk more. But, to be honest, it is kind of nice as we are both awfully busy.

We hope this past year has been as rich and fulfilling for you and your family as it has been for ours. Best wishes and Merry Christmas!

The Pulsiphers